I consider myself a fairly religious person. I believe in God, say my prayers, and know the difference between right and wrong. Now, whether I always choose right is another matter, but at least I try. I have also tried to raise my children with these same beliefs and believe I have done a pretty decent job of it. That doesn’t mean that on occasion my children weren’t the spawn of the devil. In fact they were down-right evil sometimes.
Take for example one beautiful and sunny Saturday afternoon when Amber was about twelve and Ryan nine. I was out back cleaning the pool, weeding the garden, sweeping the deck, and all of the multitude of things that need to be done on the weekend. It was a beautiful day and I was taking full advantage of it. Amber and Ryan were playing with friends out front and even though they were old enough that I didn’t need to worry, I still checked on them. Not because I thought some horrible thing would happen to them, but mainly to make sure they weren’t doing something stupid like jumping off the roof. Yes, my lovely children used to do that.
It wasn’t long after I had been in the backyard that a couple of gentlemen in suits came round back to find me. They had very stern looks on their face and the first thought in my head was “Oh crap”.
“Ma’am, we really need to speak with you,” one of the gentlemen asked with fire in his eyes.
“Yes, is something wrong? Is someone hurt? Have my kids done something awful?” I asked fearfully.
The younger gentleman pulled out his bible, some literature, and said “Ma’am, we are Jehovah Witnesses and we are concerned about your eternal soul.”
“Really?” I replied. “Look, I am a Lutheran and certainly not perfect, but I don’t think I am exactly going to burn in the pits of Hell”.
I smiled, turned my back on them, and went in the house. I was perplexed. Many times church groups have come to my door but they had never been concerned that I was immediately going to burn. I was getting a little paranoid, maybe they knew something I didn’t. Crap…I decided that I better make sure to go to church on Sunday.
After awhile I looked outside the window to make sure it was safe and went to check on the kids. They were still laughing and playing, reinstating my faith in myself that I was an OK person. As I reached for the door knob I noticed there was a piece of paper taped to the door. I would have recognized Amber’s handwriting anywhere, It said in bold letters: Please go away, we worship the Devil!
No wonder those men thought I was the Devil himself. After I chuckled to myself I made sure that playtime was over for the kids.